Death and the meaning of life

By CELINE S.W. TANG

Sometimes, it takes a big loss to remind us how much we have, and how much we should appreciate it while we have it.

RECENTLY, my friend lost her father. I stared in disbelief at the receiver in my hand as I digested the news, hoping that it was just a bad joke but it was not.

Memories came flooding back of the time I lost my beloved grandfather, two years earlier.

He had gone for a heart bypass operation after complaining of chest pains.

I remember watching him pack his clothes, getting ready to be sent to the hospital. He walked out of the house together with my father and got into the car.

I did not know then that he would not be coming home.

The day before the operation, my mother had to feed him his dinner. It was the first and last time she fed him as that was also to be his last meal.

On the morning of the operation, we all went to the hospital. I remember that it was a gloomy Friday morning and school was closed for a holiday.

When we reached my grandfather’s ward, he was prepared but looked nervous and worried.

We accompanied him as he was pushed to the operating theatre and said our goodbyes but my father told us to say “see you later” instead. I did not think that it made any difference then.

Later in the evening, we visited him in the intensive care unit (ICU) ward after the operation. He was hooked up to various tubes and life support machines and he looked so frail and weak.

We had to take turns to see him. We went home in the hope that he would be in a stable condition the next day.

The next morning when we visited him, he was conscious but in so much pain. He fidgeted so much and struggled to take out the oxygen mask to talk to us. He was told to rest and was later sedated.

Over the next few days, we spent our nights and days in the hospital as he had to undergo more operations to his stomach and kidney due to some complications.

My grandfather was always a strong man, mentally and physically. He fought hard to live and he survived the two operations.

We felt helpless and had only words of encouragement everyday. “You can do it, stay strong,” we encouraged him.

When we were told that his chances of survival were slim, our relatives from Penang and Singapore came to visit him.

In the early hours of Oct 27, 2006, the dreaded call rang from the hospital. We had to rush to see him for the last time.

My grandfather lay there, so still and pale next to the machines. His fingers were swollen and the tips were black.

As we stood by his side, holding his unresponsive hands, rivers of tears flowed. We told him that he could still do it, to stay strong and we filled him with encouraging words to live.

However, in that moment of truth, we realised that we had to end his suffering. It was time to release him and the encouraging words were not the words he waited to hear.

He was always a proud man with strong principles and always fought for his rights. We knew he was losing the battle due to his heart.

He knew, too, that had he lived on, he would not be the same man who would be on his own two feet with his head held high.

He also loved us too much for us to be burdened with a bed-ridden, dependent, old man.

We finally relented and told him, “We will understand this most difficult decision that you have to make and we love you just the same. We apologise for any wrongdoings on our part and we forgive you, too.”

We told him to give us a sign if he could hear us and miraculously, a tear rolled down from his eyes. There were no last words but we understood. Minutes later, at 6.40am, he left us, looking relaxed and peaceful.

We do not know when our loved ones will leave us. As teenagers, we will often have arguments with our siblings or our parents, but no matter what, they still love us and we still love them. Therefore, we have to leave our loved ones with loving words, always.

My grandfather is gone but his memories lives on. He was not a wealthy man but he left behind a precious gift — Life, with a new beginning and new meaning.

From him, I learned to understand life better, to cherish what I have and to treasure the people around me.

Taken from thestar.com.my